I just want to feel normal again.

First of all, you don't have to be in a hurry to feel "normal". You have every reason to feel terrible and to cry for as much or as long as you need to. Yet, when you begin to pick yourself back up and you start to venture out trying to resume your life, things will be different. Unfortunately, life as you knew it is over. You now have a new life and it's called "life without your child". You are never going to be the same person you once were. Things will never look the same to you again. The only way that would be possible is if we could rewind and that's not going to happen. Your definition of "normal" will change because you are different.

But you do have a choice. Your new person can either be a better person or you can be a bitter person. You can allow this experience to make you stronger or weaker. As you progress through the grief process you will learn so many things that will change you even more. I hate to say it, but I don't have very many of my "before Bryan died" friends anymore. Some quit talking to me immediately. I guess they just didn't know how to handle it so they ignored me. Others left when they got pregnant themselves. I was a constant reminder that "we aren't guaranteed anything". And then, there were those who just couldn't deal with how I chose to grieve. Either I was taking too long or not long enough. Or maybe I was crying too much or not crying enough. I talked too much about Bryan or I didn't talk about him enough. You can really tie yourself in knots trying to listen to everyone else's view of what a grieving parent should act like.

Another thing to remember is that your spouse wants to feel normal too. Somewhere between 80 and 90 percent of couples who experience the loss of a child become separated or divorced. So, as you can see with these statistics, the odds are stacked against you if you are married. You don't have to fall into that category though. Because you both are going to become "different people" than before, you will need to learn to live with each other over again. A good idea is to start with dating again. Get to know your "new" spouse. Talk things out and do not blame each other for the loss of your child.

It takes time but you can survive. Accept the fact that you will never be "normal" again. You will have to learn to live without your child and accept your new life as "normal". Take your time adjusting to everything. It won't be easy but most things that make us stronger are very difficult. You can make it, you will make it and one day, you will smile again and mean it. God bless your journey!