Where is all this anger coming from?

Anger is a natural reaction to the loss you have experienced. In fact God tells us that it is alright to be angry but to make sure that it doesn't cause us to sin.

I don't know the circumstances surrounding the death of your child. You may be angry at a criminal, a medical professional, a family member, a friend, yourself, God, or even your child. Anger usually stems from hurt. Or perhaps you're just angry and feel like you can't control it. Grief is, for the most part, uncontrollable. Yet, when we try to fight it sometimes we become angry.

In my own personal experience, I became angry with everyone. I was on edge all the time. Not at first though. In the beginning I avoided people but those I did see, I tried to be strong. Pretty soon it felt like everyone thought I was back to "normal" and things started closing in. I wanted to yell at everyone to just slow down. I wanted to say "Hey!! I'm hurting here!! Doesn't anyone care!!" I became jealous of couples who got to bring their babies home from the hospital. It made me furious to hear people complain about their kids for any reason. People soon learned that abortion, child abuse, and unwanted children were hot buttons and they would avoid the subject. I was angry with all of those people who took their kids for granted. I was angry with anyone who tried to give advice on how I should "deal with things", especially if they had no clue what I was actually "dealing with". I was angry at friends who ignored my husband and me. I was angry about who did or who didn't attend my son's funeral. Suddenly, everything that had bothered me before about others seemed magnified by a thousand. I just wanted to hit something. I wanted to throw a fit. There were many nights when I would scream and yell in my room until I started crying. Yes, I was angry. Yes, I reacted wrong towards some people. But just because I had a perfectly good excuse to be angry didn't mean that I could be ugly to others.

One of the really bad things about anger is that, if left to fester, it can turn into bitterness. Bitterness is like the cancer of all feelings. I think that you could even take it so far as to say that bitterness is more like an action than a feeling. You choose to be bitter. You choose to harbor those "feelings". Only you can choose to let bitterness go. I know that I was very bitter towards several people for their insensitivity when our son died. I have had to forgive them, but it hasn't come easily. What helped me was to write down the person's name and what I was angry at them for and then the date that I had forgiven them. Now anytime I start to think about how angry I was at them, I refer to my "forgiveness list" and remind myself that I have "let go" of that anger. If you call on God, He will help you overcome it.

But what if you're angry at God. Let me take a moment to gently remind you of who God actually is. God is God. He is Holy. He is Sovereign. He is Almighty. He is Faithful. He is Truth. He is Good. Now you may say, "But how could God do this to me?" And my answer is, "Who are we to question God's authority?" God recognizes your pain. He understands your pain. Your child's death is not a punishment that He is inflicting on you. If you are not a Christian, you will not be able to understand this, but God is in complete control. We need to let Him have control over our feelings and emotions as well. I promise you, if you are a child of God, He will comfort you and will help you make sense of things if you let Him.

When I was grappling with anger and bitterness, I found a Bible Study helpful. It's called Lord, Only You Can Change Me by Kay Arthur. It really puts things into perspective. It will help you see the awesome power of God.