1. I wish my child hadn't died. I wish
I had him/her back.
2. I wish you
wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was important to
me. I need to hear that he/she was important to you also.
3. If I cry and
get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you know it isn't because you have hurt
me. My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child,
and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
4. I wish you
wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing his/her pictures, artwork or other
remembrances from you home.
5. Being a
bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need
you now more than ever.
6. I need
diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but I also want you to hear about
me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child,
my favorite topic of the day.
7. I know that you
think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you
too. I wish you would let me know those things through a phone call, a card, a note,
or a real big hug.
8. I wish you
wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. These first months are traumatic
for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will
suffer the death of my child until the day I die.
9. I am working
very hard in my recovery but I wish you could understand that I will never fully
recover. I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that he/she is dead.
10. I wish you
wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy".
Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself.
11. I don't want
to have a "pity party", but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt
before I heal.
12. I wish you
understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me
when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.
13. When I say,
"I'm doing okay." I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay
and that I struggle daily.
14. I wish you
knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger,
hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me
when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.
15. Your advice to
"take one day at a time" is excellent advice. However, a day is too much
and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to
handle one hour at a time.
16. Please excuse
me if I seem rude, that's certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me
goes to fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a
quiet place to spend time alone.
17. I wish you
understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with
him/her. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be
that person again.
18. I wish very
much that you could understand - understand my loss and grief, my silence and my tears, my
void and my pain. BUT, I pray daily that you will never understand.
Back (use if coming from "I just don't understand my friend.")