I just don't understand my friend.

Of course you don't understand your friend. How could you? The bad thing is, your friend wants you to understand.

One thing I kept telling my husband is "No one seems to understand me." And he would remind me that there was no way they could. I didn't even understand myself half the time. You see, when my son died, I became a totally different person. I had to learn who I was and I had to become reacquainted with my husband (who became a different person too). It was no wonder my friends and family couldn't understand me. They didn't know who I was anymore. You too will have to get to know your "new" friend. In the beginning, your friend won't be a barrel of laughs or anything. Be prepared for a long journey.

I know there is no way to tell you or show you exactly what your friend is going through but I have a couple of articles that might shed some light on your friend's behavior. The first one is about a woman whose son died at six weeks and the problems she had with people who didn't understand and their comments. The second is a list of things that one bereaved mother wished others knew.

"The Same - But Different"

A Bereaved Parent's Wish List

Also, the book In This Very Hour: Loss of a Loved One would give you some insight into what your friend might be thinking and feeling. Just keep in mind that no matter how much you read about it you still won't be an expert on loosing a child. I don't want you to use this knowledge to say "I understand", this information is strictly to give you a taste of your friend's pain. Use it wisely.