Of course you don't understand your friend. How could
you? The bad thing is, your friend wants you to understand.
One thing I kept telling my husband is
"No one seems to understand me." And he would remind me that there was no
way they could. I didn't even understand myself half the time. You see, when
my son died, I became a totally different person. I had to learn who I was and I had
to become reacquainted with my husband (who became a different person too). It was
no wonder my friends and family couldn't understand me. They didn't know who I was
anymore. You too will have to get to know your "new" friend. In the
beginning, your friend won't be a barrel of laughs or anything. Be prepared for a
I know there is no way to tell you or
show you exactly what your friend is going through but I have a couple of articles that
might shed some light on your friend's behavior. The first one is about a woman
whose son died at six weeks and the problems she had with people who didn't understand and
their comments. The second is a list of things that one
bereaved mother wished others knew.
"The Same - But Different"
Bereaved Parent's Wish List
Also, the book
Very Hour: Loss of a Loved One would give you some insight into what your friend might
be thinking and feeling. Just keep in mind that no matter how much you read about it
you still won't be an expert on loosing a child. I don't want you to use this
knowledge to say "I understand", this information is strictly to give you a
taste of your friend's pain. Use it wisely.