Well, the truth of the matter is, someone does understand.  No, your family members might not and your friends might not, but there are people out there who do.  You are not alone.   Many parents have suffered the loss of a child and have even had your same experience. 

Unfortunately for parents like us, people cannot understand what we are going through unless they have been there themselves.  That's just the way it is.  They can imagine how you feel, but they will never understand.  I remember wanting to force everyone to understand me and I would get so upset.  I would even go so far as to wish bad things on those who weren't even trying just so they would see what it felt like.  Of course, I would never really want someone to loose a child so I could "feel better" and have "someone to talk to".  That's just grieving anger at being isolated suddenly from the whole "normal" world.

Also, when we talk about our child who has died it makes people very uncomfortable.  They don't know what to say.  And typically they say the wrong thing if they do say something.  I remember all the well meaning people who said the wrong thing.  I suddenly realized that they were very ignorant.  Shortly after our son died we started receiving newsletters from an organization called Bereaved Parents of the USA.  I went to a meeting in a desperate attempt to find other mothers whom I could relate to.  There were many of them and I do recommend getting involved in a support group like that.  Well, in one of their newsletters I found some interesting articles that I would like to share with you.  The first one is about a woman whose son died at six weeks and the problems she had with others and their comments.   Her article is concerning the death of an infant but the basis, people who don't think before they speak, is the same for all of us.   It's called "The Same - But Different".

When we grieve, we make others uncomfortable.  We are reminders that death is no respecter of persons and people hate to think about death, especially when it involves a child.  Also, if you are expressing your emotions to them they feel "you're not over it yet".  I never liked getting advice from people who had never lost a child or never even had children.  To me, they didn't have a clue what they were talking about and usually made me feel bad for the way that I chose to grieve.  I got all kinds of advice from, "you need to get out of the house and get your mind off of things" to "you shouldn't go to your son's grave so much."  How did these people know what I needed?  The fact is that they didn't.  It all boils down to a "worry list".  Most people want you to hurry up and get your grieving done so they can check you off their "worry list".  You may even find yourself holding in your feelings around others because they don't respond they way that you need for them to.   Sadly, the ones who are the "victims" in all of this usually end up having to be the stronger ones and those whom we considered friends and family take the role of the victims. 

I used to become really angry over that.  It just didn't seem fair that even though I wanted to fall apart for whatever reason, I couldn't because those around me couldn't handle it if I did.   It's definitely not easy dealing with others when you are trying to grieve.   Try to keep in mind that they are just ignorant to what you are going through and will never understand.  Love them despite everything.  It's alright to get angry and hurt, but just like you wouldn't punish someone who didn't speak good English for misspelling your name, don't punish those who don't speak the "grieving parent" language for trying to be helpful.

As I close this section, I have an interesting piece that kind of applies and maybe it will help you see that you are not alone.  A Bereaved Parent's Wish List